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To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Like many people in today's hectic world, if you go this route.Listen to soothing
I've been blessed with recurring music:
insomnia. For most, this condition would Again, this is a great idea in theory --
be a liability; as a writer, it's but one person's 'soothing' is another
actually quite useful. I pen more person's... well, Hootie and the
gibberish after three am than most people Blowfish, for instance. Sure, their music
do... well, ever, to be fair.But is soft and lilting, but 'easy
eventually, all good sleepless nights listening', my sleep-deprived ass. My
must come to an end. So I've tried a few ears would find steel-wool Q-tips more
ways to bring on the snoozes, when 'soothing' than that audiodrivel.
counting sheep just won't do. Feel free Luckily, any music can soothe the
to use any or all of the techniques below insomnial beast, so long as it's played
-- just make sure you're really ready to softly enough. Sometimes, Rage Against
hit the sack. This is powerful medicine; the Machine at three-and-a-half decibels
proceed with caution.Drink a glass of -- or Nine Inch Nails, at a volume only
warm milk: dogs can hear -- is just what the sleep
Generally, this doesn't work, of course. doctor ordered.Exercise:
It seems to be some sort of old wives' Frankly, I've only tried this method
tale. What old wives have against the once. I get the idea -- the physical
rest of us enjoying a night's rest, I activity, late at night, should sap
don't know, but drinking a full glass of whatever energy your body has remaining,
lukewarm moo juice will leave you and let you slip sweetly off to
bleary-eyed and milkstached, but not dreamland. Fine. But remember, your
particularly drowsy. Still, you've got to hand-eye coordination and reflexes won't
start somewhere. And you can always be up to par, after staying awake for
graduate to a nice, warm glass of milk hours past your bedtime. And it can be
and coconut rum -- hold the milk. That'll rather embarrassing to explain to the
put you to sleep, but you'd better be ambulance crew how you backhanded
sure to cancel those morning meetings the yourself down a flight of stairs, doing
next day.Read a book: jumping jacks at four in the morning.
This is great, if you happen to have EMTs can be so cruel sometimes.Watch
'The Bridges of Madison County' lying LifeTime:
around, or you keep 'Principles of No, really. Anything on LifeTime. The
Organic Chemistry' on your nightstand. Oxygen network works, too. Or the Golf
It's somewhat less effective if the Channel. Or any shopping network --
closest book handy is 'The Amityville unless you're one of those people with a
Horror', or an audiobook from the Steven shopping problem, of course. You're not
King 'Rabid Machete Zombies' collection. doing anyone any good, lying there on the
Instead of sleeping, you might spend the couch for three hours ordering
night hiding under the covers, hoping commemorative Jackson trial dinner
that the creaking outside your window is plates. But short of that, this is
just the wind. Of course, those of us who clearly the way to go. There are hundreds
are truly proficient with insomnia don't of channels out there; surely, you can
have to worry so much -- we're not going find one that'll put you to sleep. You
to bed until after dawn, anyway, so call them 'DirecTV', but I'm calling them
there's no 'dark' for bogeymen to go 'Sandman'. Don't let the bed bugs
'bump' in. Still, it's not such a good bite!Charlie Hatton is an overzealous
idea to seed your dreams with the blogger and aspiring standup comedian
horrific imagery that today's writers can offering smart, sophisticated humor about
dream up. There's sleeping, and then life, language, and the size of his
there's 'unconscious night sweating'. naughty bits. He writes semi-daily and
Stick to the textbooks and tearjerkers, mostly randomly at Where the Hell Was I?




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