| Me, outsourced? Impossible. How could they | | | | Welcome to our show.""What is it about doing |
| replace a business-humor columnist? But my | | | | business with Americans that you find most |
| brother-in-law, the radiologist, told me his | | | | intriguing or disconcerting?" I asked."A |
| hospital was threatening to cut his position | | | | great question," the talk show host realized |
| because they had found a medical group out of | | | | he had an issue that could generate some |
| India that would read MRIs at half the | | | | controversy. "Mr. Hesh, why not hold on as we |
| cost.He warned me, "Hesh, don't be so smug. | | | | let our callers respond."The first caller |
| No one is indispensable in today's world | | | | began, "Mr. Hesh, you Americans have such a |
| economy."He was right. I had become blasé. | | | | childish belief system. You expect every |
| I needed to diversify and find readers | | | | problem to be solvable. Our culture has |
| outside the USA, especially in the booming | | | | taught us the inevitability of misfortune. I |
| call-centers of India.Do Indians find our | | | | want to say to callers, 'Sorry, Mrs. Grady, |
| business customs humorous? I decided to do | | | | your hard drive is forever broken and can |
| some research. I called the IBM help desk. I | | | | never be repaired. Please unplug it and |
| asked the technician where he was located. He | | | | grieve for the next 10 minutes.' But, I am |
| said "Birmingham, Alabama," and he said it | | | | not allowed."The second caller said. "We are |
| with pride.I asked for his boss. I told her | | | | obligated to try to sell you a software |
| that I wanted to be helped by someone in | | | | upgrade with each call. We think that this is |
| Bombay. "What? I usually get the opposite | | | | very inhospitable. In our culture when |
| requests," she blurted out.I told her that I | | | | someone calls for help, one must never try to |
| found their staff people in India to be more | | | | gain an advantage from another's adversity. |
| helpful and courteous. And I found their | | | | But we are taught that this is what makes you |
| English easier to comprehend compared to the | | | | Americans so wealthy."The producer asked me |
| southern accents from Birmingham.Within | | | | to call again. He had dozens of local callers |
| seconds, I was talking to Bombay. After | | | | waiting to talk to me. Before I knew it I was |
| spending a few minutes on a fictitious | | | | a radio personality in India with my own |
| problem, I asked my help-support person what | | | | morning business call-in show.Now, I visit |
| he found humorous about working with | | | | India almost twice a month. I am a regular |
| Americans.He said, "Sir, it would be | | | | commentator on their TV morning shows and a |
| inappropriate for me to comment on you | | | | sought-after lecturer at business |
| Americans and your business practices."I kept | | | | conferences.The travel back and forth is |
| on digging. "You must be frustrated spending | | | | brutal even in first class. Plus, because of |
| eight hours a day listening to us Americans. | | | | the time difference I have to be wide awake |
| How do you blow off steam?He suggested I call | | | | from 2 a.m to 5 a.m to take the calls from my |
| a business radio talk show in Bombay where | | | | audience. Why I am actually considering |
| the locals call in with their problems of | | | | moving to India permanently.Somehow the |
| working with westerners. It was called "Can I | | | | governor found out about my impending move (I |
| Speak to your Supervisor, Please."Using my | | | | bet it was from my mother) and he called |
| computer I was able to find a real cheap | | | | asking that I not take my business overseas. |
| Internet-phone line to Bombay, and I called. | | | | It would be a terrible loss to our region's |
| The radio show's producer doubted my veracity | | | | image.He had funds to help businesses keep |
| when I told him I was calling from the USA. | | | | jobs here. I would qualify for an |
| He thought it was a crank call. But when he | | | | economic-development grant if I did not |
| listened to my accent - half Pittsburgh and | | | | relocate. I guess it is like paying farmers |
| the other half Brooklyn - he knew no Indian | | | | not to plant corn. (Do they still do that?)I |
| could impersonate that dialect.He reminded me | | | | called my brother-in-law with my good news, |
| to use only my first name, when being | | | | and said, "I told you going to medical school |
| interviewed. The talk show host began, "Our | | | | was a poor career choice. You should have |
| next caller is a Mister Hesh from the USA. We | | | | majored in English, like I did."Hesh Reinfeld |
| are very lucky to have an overseas caller. | | | | writes a syndicated business humor column. |