| Me, outsourced? Impossible. How could they replace a | | | | overseas caller. Welcome to our show.""What is it |
| business-humor columnist? But my brother-in-law, the | | | | about doing business with Americans that you find |
| radiologist, told me his hospital was threatening to cut | | | | most intriguing or disconcerting?" I asked."A great |
| his position because they had found a medical group | | | | question," the talk show host realized he had an issue |
| out of India that would read MRIs at half the cost.He | | | | that could generate some controversy. "Mr. Hesh, why |
| warned me, "Hesh, don't be so smug. No one is | | | | not hold on as we let our callers respond."The first |
| indispensable in today's world economy."He was right. I | | | | caller began, "Mr. Hesh, you Americans have such a |
| had become blasé. I needed to diversify and find | | | | childish belief system. You expect every problem to be |
| readers outside the USA, especially in the booming | | | | solvable. Our culture has taught us the inevitability of |
| call-centers of India.Do Indians find our business | | | | misfortune. I want to say to callers, 'Sorry, Mrs. Grady, |
| customs humorous? I decided to do some research. I | | | | your hard drive is forever broken and can never be |
| called the IBM help desk. I asked the technician where | | | | repaired. Please unplug it and grieve for the next 10 |
| he was located. He said "Birmingham, Alabama," and | | | | minutes.' But, I am not allowed."The second caller said. |
| he said it with pride.I asked for his boss. I told her that I | | | | "We are obligated to try to sell you a software |
| wanted to be helped by someone in Bombay. "What? | | | | upgrade with each call. We think that this is very |
| I usually get the opposite requests," she blurted out.I told | | | | inhospitable. In our culture when someone calls for help, |
| her that I found their staff people in India to be more | | | | one must never try to gain an advantage from |
| helpful and courteous. And I found their English easier | | | | another's adversity. But we are taught that this is what |
| to comprehend compared to the southern accents | | | | makes you Americans so wealthy."The producer |
| from Birmingham.Within seconds, I was talking to | | | | asked me to call again. He had dozens of local callers |
| Bombay. After spending a few minutes on a fictitious | | | | waiting to talk to me. Before I knew it I was a radio |
| problem, I asked my help-support person what he | | | | personality in India with my own morning business call-in |
| found humorous about working with Americans.He | | | | show.Now, I visit India almost twice a month. I am a |
| said, "Sir, it would be inappropriate for me to comment | | | | regular commentator on their TV morning shows and |
| on you Americans and your business practices."I kept | | | | a sought-after lecturer at business conferences.The |
| on digging. "You must be frustrated spending eight | | | | travel back and forth is brutal even in first class. Plus, |
| hours a day listening to us Americans. How do you | | | | because of the time difference I have to be wide |
| blow off steam?He suggested I call a business radio | | | | awake from 2 a.m to 5 a.m to take the calls from my |
| talk show in Bombay where the locals call in with their | | | | audience. Why I am actually considering moving to India |
| problems of working with westerners. It was called | | | | permanently.Somehow the governor found out about |
| "Can I Speak to your Supervisor, Please."Using my | | | | my impending move (I bet it was from my mother) and |
| computer I was able to find a real cheap | | | | he called asking that I not take my business overseas. |
| Internet-phone line to Bombay, and I called. The radio | | | | It would be a terrible loss to our region's image.He had |
| show's producer doubted my veracity when I told him I | | | | funds to help businesses keep jobs here. I would |
| was calling from the USA. He thought it was a crank | | | | qualify for an economic-development grant if I did not |
| call. But when he listened to my accent - half | | | | relocate. I guess it is like paying farmers not to plant |
| Pittsburgh and the other half Brooklyn - he knew no | | | | corn. (Do they still do that?)I called my brother-in-law |
| Indian could impersonate that dialect.He reminded me | | | | with my good news, and said, "I told you going to |
| to use only my first name, when being interviewed. | | | | medical school was a poor career choice. You should |
| The talk show host began, "Our next caller is a Mister | | | | have majored in English, like I did."Hesh Reinfeld writes |
| Hesh from the USA. We are very lucky to have an | | | | a syndicated business humor column. |