| There's an old southern saying that goes, "Don't like the | | | | a storm themselves or know someone who has. |
| weather? Just hang around a few minutes. It'll change." | | | | Myself, included. |
| Anyone who's spent much time in Alabama can relate | | | | April 7, 1974: a night when dozens of tornadoes ripped |
| to that one. It's not uncommon to wake up to a blue | | | | through North Alabama, causing much damage and |
| sky filled with brilliant sunshine and white puffy clouds, | | | | loss of life. I remember sitting on the back porch of my |
| then go to bed that evening with the wind and rain | | | | Limestone County home with my old man, watching a |
| beating against your window. Alabama weather is | | | | spindly tornado pass by just a few miles to the north. |
| about as predictable as watching The Jerry Springer | | | | What were we doing outside in such a storm, propped |
| Show. You know something's going to happen, you're | | | | up on milk crates like two yokels waiting on a bus to |
| just not sure what it will be. | | | | take them to the big city? You'd have to know my old |
| Given the unpredictability of Alabama weather, I | | | | man to appreciate the answer to that one. You see, |
| sometimes wonder why television stations bother | | | | he was one of those men who would rather stand |
| employing weathermen at all. Oh sure, they | | | | outside and face a storm head-on than get caught |
| razzle-dazzle us with their color radars and storm | | | | hiding from it in a bathtub. At the time, I thought it was |
| trackers and incoherent weather-speak, and when the | | | | pretty cool, sitting out there with him in the rain, |
| weather is popping we can count on them to keep us | | | | watching the butts of his cigarettes float off the edge |
| well-informed, but on an average day you could get | | | | of the porch. It was the ultimate father and son |
| just as accurate a forecast by calling the Psychic | | | | bonding ritual: two brave souls valiantly facing Mother |
| Hotline. | | | | Nature and all that. Looking back now, I can see that |
| I've got an eighty-year-old aunt who predicts the | | | | we were not heroes. We were just a couple of idiots |
| weather with what she calls her "magic bunion." To be | | | | who were too stupid to be scared. |
| honest, the magic bunion is not as easy to look at as | | | | Last week, Alabama was faced once again with an |
| color radar (it's actually pretty disgusting), but it's usually | | | | onslaught of killer storms much like those that hit in |
| right on the money when it comes to predicting rain or | | | | 1974. During the storm that passed over my house, it |
| drought (it throbs when it's going to rain and itches | | | | rained harder than I've ever seen it rain before. |
| when it's not). Okay, it's not a perfect science, but the | | | | Powerful gusts of wind blew my plastic porch furniture |
| magic bunion would never interrupt your favorite show | | | | down the street and the night sky was alive with |
| just to tell you it's raining in Tokyo, as many TV | | | | heavy thunder and brilliant flashes of lightning. My TV |
| weathermen would. | | | | weather buddies told me that a severe thunderstorm |
| Most television stations seem to think that, when it | | | | was headed my way and they encouraged me to |
| comes to predicting the weather, a magic bunion just | | | | seek shelter. Hmm, maybe they weren't such bad |
| isn't enough. They all have a meteorologist or two on | | | | guys to have around, after all. |
| staff, though they rarely speak of meteors, and | | | | My wife and daughters were snugly bedded down in |
| enough weather gizmos and gadgets to make Mr. | | | | the bathtub. Heavy blankets, candles, a |
| Wizard green with Doppler envy. Some stations have | | | | battery-powered radio, a box of Ding-Dongs and a jug |
| taken things to the next level by reporting the weather | | | | of Kool Ade were close by. My wife, in her infinite |
| from outside of all places. It makes sense, I guess, | | | | wisdom, wanted to be prepared for a power outage |
| since that's where the majority of weather occurs. | | | | or a sudden case of the munchies. |
| And it's sure to cut down on the number of missed | | | | And where was I during this potentially deadly storm? |
| forecasts since all they have to do is look up. It's hard | | | | For the most part, I was sitting on the toilet singing |
| to predict sunshine when rain is falling on your head. | | | | Barney songs with my girls. But there was a moment |
| While I make light of TV weathermen and their toys, I | | | | when I stepped out onto the front porch to face the |
| do take the weather very seriously. North Alabama is | | | | oncoming unknown. I stared up into the black sky and |
| my home. It's also the place my grampa often called, | | | | waited for a flash of lightning to illuminate the clouds, to |
| "the ass end of tornado alley." In modern | | | | reveal what was hiding up there. After a minute, I |
| weather-speak, that means that North Alabama is | | | | decided there was nothing to see. I turned to go inside, |
| historically prone to weather patterns that could (and | | | | but not before stealing one last look at the storm. |
| often do) spawn dangerous storms and tornadoes. | | | | I briefly thought of my old man. |
| Most North Alabamians have either lived through such | | | | I wondered if he was doing the same. |