| There's an old southern saying that goes,
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| | through such a storm themselves or know
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| "Don't like the weather? Just hang around
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| | someone who has.
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| a few minutes. It'll change."
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| | Myself, included.
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| Anyone who's spent much time in Alabama
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| | April 7, 1974: a night when dozens of
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| can relate to that one. It's not uncommon
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| | tornadoes ripped through North Alabama,
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| to wake up to a blue sky filled with
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| | causing much damage and loss of life. I
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| brilliant sunshine and white puffy
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| | remember sitting on the back porch of my
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| clouds, then go to bed that evening with
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| | Limestone County home with my old man,
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| the wind and rain beating against your
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| | watching a spindly tornado pass by just a
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| window. Alabama weather is about as
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| | few miles to the north. What were we
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| predictable as watching The Jerry
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| | doing outside in such a storm, propped up
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| Springer Show. You know something's going
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| | on milk crates like two yokels waiting on
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| to happen, you're just not sure what it
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| | a bus to take them to the big city? You'd
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| will be.
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| | have to know my old man to appreciate the
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| Given the unpredictability of Alabama
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| | answer to that one. You see, he was one
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| weather, I sometimes wonder why
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| | of those men who would rather stand
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| television stations bother employing
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| | outside and face a storm head-on than get
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| weathermen at all. Oh sure, they
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| | caught hiding from it in a bathtub. At
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| razzle-dazzle us with their color radars
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| | the time, I thought it was pretty cool,
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| and storm trackers and incoherent
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| | sitting out there with him in the rain,
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| weather-speak, and when the weather is
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| | watching the butts of his cigarettes
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| popping we can count on them to keep us
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| | float off the edge of the porch. It was
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| well-informed, but on an average day you
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| | the ultimate father and son bonding
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| could get just as accurate a forecast by
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| | ritual: two brave souls valiantly facing
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| calling the Psychic Hotline.
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| | Mother Nature and all that. Looking back
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| I've got an eighty-year-old aunt who
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| | now, I can see that we were not heroes.
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| predicts the weather with what she calls
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| | We were just a couple of idiots who were
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| her "magic bunion." To be honest, the
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| | too stupid to be scared.
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| magic bunion is not as easy to look at as
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| | Last week, Alabama was faced once again
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| color radar (it's actually pretty
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| | with an onslaught of killer storms much
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| disgusting), but it's usually right on
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| | like those that hit in 1974. During the
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| the money when it comes to predicting
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| | storm that passed over my house, it
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| rain or drought (it throbs when it's
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| | rained harder than I've ever seen it rain
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| going to rain and itches when it's not).
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| | before. Powerful gusts of wind blew my
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| Okay, it's not a perfect science, but the
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| | plastic porch furniture down the street
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| magic bunion would never interrupt your
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| | and the night sky was alive with heavy
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| favorite show just to tell you it's
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| | thunder and brilliant flashes of
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| raining in Tokyo, as many TV weathermen
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| | lightning. My TV weather buddies told me
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| would.
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| | that a severe thunderstorm was headed my
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| Most television stations seem to think
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| | way and they encouraged me to seek
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| that, when it comes to predicting the
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| | shelter. Hmm, maybe they weren't such bad
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| weather, a magic bunion just isn't
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| | guys to have around, after all.
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| enough. They all have a meteorologist or
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| | My wife and daughters were snugly bedded
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| two on staff, though they rarely speak of
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| | down in the bathtub. Heavy blankets,
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| meteors, and enough weather gizmos and
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| | candles, a battery-powered radio, a box
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| gadgets to make Mr. Wizard green with
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| | of Ding-Dongs and a jug of Kool Ade were
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| Doppler envy. Some stations have taken
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| | close by. My wife, in her infinite
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| things to the next level by reporting the
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| | wisdom, wanted to be prepared for a power
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| weather from outside of all places. It
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| | outage or a sudden case of the munchies.
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| makes sense, I guess, since that's where
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| | And where was I during this potentially
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| the majority of weather occurs. And it's
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| | deadly storm? For the most part, I was
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| sure to cut down on the number of missed
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| | sitting on the toilet singing Barney
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| forecasts since all they have to do is
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| | songs with my girls. But there was a
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| look up. It's hard to predict sunshine
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| | moment when I stepped out onto the front
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| when rain is falling on your head.
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| | porch to face the oncoming unknown. I
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| While I make light of TV weathermen and
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| | stared up into the black sky and waited
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| their toys, I do take the weather very
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| | for a flash of lightning to illuminate
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| seriously. North Alabama is my home. It's
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| | the clouds, to reveal what was hiding up
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| also the place my grampa often called,
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| | there. After a minute, I decided there
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| "the ass end of tornado alley." In modern
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| | was nothing to see. I turned to go
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| weather-speak, that means that North
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| | inside, but not before stealing one last
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| Alabama is historically prone to weather
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| | look at the storm.
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| patterns that could (and often do) spawn
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| | I briefly thought of my old man.
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| dangerous storms and tornadoes. Most
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| | I wondered if he was doing the same.
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| North Alabamians have either lived
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