| There's an old southern saying that | | | | either lived through such a storm |
| goes, "Don't like the weather? Just hang | | | | themselves or know someone who has. |
| around a few minutes. It'll change." | | | | Myself, included. |
| Anyone who's spent much time in Alabama | | | | April 7, 1974: a night when dozens of |
| can relate to that one. It's not | | | | tornadoes ripped through North Alabama, |
| uncommon to wake up to a blue sky filled | | | | causing much damage and loss of life. I |
| with brilliant sunshine and white puffy | | | | remember sitting on the back porch of my |
| clouds, then go to bed that evening with | | | | Limestone County home with my old man, |
| the wind and rain beating against your | | | | watching a spindly tornado pass by just |
| window. Alabama weather is about as | | | | a few miles to the north. What were we |
| predictable as watching The Jerry | | | | doing outside in such a storm, propped |
| Springer Show. You know something's | | | | up on milk crates like two yokels |
| going to happen, you're just not sure | | | | waiting on a bus to take them to the big |
| what it will be. | | | | city? You'd have to know my old man to |
| Given the unpredictability of Alabama | | | | appreciate the answer to that one. You |
| weather, I sometimes wonder why | | | | see, he was one of those men who would |
| television stations bother employing | | | | rather stand outside and face a storm |
| weathermen at all. Oh sure, they | | | | head-on than get caught hiding from it |
| razzle-dazzle us with their color radars | | | | in a bathtub. At the time, I thought it |
| and storm trackers and incoherent | | | | was pretty cool, sitting out there with |
| weather-speak, and when the weather is | | | | him in the rain, watching the butts of |
| popping we can count on them to keep us | | | | his cigarettes float off the edge of the |
| well-informed, but on an average day you | | | | porch. It was the ultimate father and |
| could get just as accurate a forecast by | | | | son bonding ritual: two brave souls |
| calling the Psychic Hotline. | | | | valiantly facing Mother Nature and all |
| I've got an eighty-year-old aunt who | | | | that. Looking back now, I can see that |
| predicts the weather with what she calls | | | | we were not heroes. We were just a |
| her "magic bunion." To be honest, the | | | | couple of idiots who were too stupid to |
| magic bunion is not as easy to look at | | | | be scared. |
| as color radar (it's actually pretty | | | | Last week, Alabama was faced once again |
| disgusting), but it's usually right on | | | | with an onslaught of killer storms much |
| the money when it comes to predicting | | | | like those that hit in 1974. During the |
| rain or drought (it throbs when it's | | | | storm that passed over my house, it |
| going to rain and itches when it's not). | | | | rained harder than I've ever seen it |
| Okay, it's not a perfect science, but | | | | rain before. Powerful gusts of wind blew |
| the magic bunion would never interrupt | | | | my plastic porch furniture down the |
| your favorite show just to tell you it's | | | | street and the night sky was alive with |
| raining in Tokyo, as many TV weathermen | | | | heavy thunder and brilliant flashes of |
| would. | | | | lightning. My TV weather buddies told me |
| Most television stations seem to think | | | | that a severe thunderstorm was headed my |
| that, when it comes to predicting the | | | | way and they encouraged me to seek |
| weather, a magic bunion just isn't | | | | shelter. Hmm, maybe they weren't such |
| enough. They all have a meteorologist or | | | | bad guys to have around, after all. |
| two on staff, though they rarely speak | | | | My wife and daughters were snugly bedded |
| of meteors, and enough weather gizmos | | | | down in the bathtub. Heavy blankets, |
| and gadgets to make Mr. Wizard green | | | | candles, a battery-powered radio, a box |
| with Doppler envy. Some stations have | | | | of Ding-Dongs and a jug of Kool Ade were |
| taken things to the next level by | | | | close by. My wife, in her infinite |
| reporting the weather from outside of | | | | wisdom, wanted to be prepared for a |
| all places. It makes sense, I guess, | | | | power outage or a sudden case of the |
| since that's where the majority of | | | | munchies. |
| weather occurs. And it's sure to cut | | | | And where was I during this potentially |
| down on the number of missed forecasts | | | | deadly storm? For the most part, I was |
| since all they have to do is look up. | | | | sitting on the toilet singing Barney |
| It's hard to predict sunshine when rain | | | | songs with my girls. But there was a |
| is falling on your head. | | | | moment when I stepped out onto the front |
| While I make light of TV weathermen and | | | | porch to face the oncoming unknown. I |
| their toys, I do take the weather very | | | | stared up into the black sky and waited |
| seriously. North Alabama is my home. | | | | for a flash of lightning to illuminate |
| It's also the place my grampa often | | | | the clouds, to reveal what was hiding up |
| called, "the ass end of tornado alley." | | | | there. After a minute, I decided there |
| In modern weather-speak, that means that | | | | was nothing to see. I turned to go |
| North Alabama is historically prone to | | | | inside, but not before stealing one last |
| weather patterns that could (and often | | | | look at the storm. |
| do) spawn dangerous storms and | | | | I briefly thought of my old man. |
| tornadoes. Most North Alabamians have | | | | I wondered if he was doing the same. |