| There's an old southern saying that goes, | | | | Myself, included. |
| "Don't like the weather? Just hang around a | | | | |
| few minutes. It'll change." | | | | April 7, 1974: a night when dozens of |
| | | | tornadoes ripped through North Alabama, |
| Anyone who's spent much time in Alabama can | | | | causing much damage and loss of life. I |
| relate to that one. It's not uncommon to wake | | | | remember sitting on the back porch of my |
| up to a blue sky filled with brilliant | | | | Limestone County home with my old man, |
| sunshine and white puffy clouds, then go to | | | | watching a spindly tornado pass by just a few |
| bed that evening with the wind and rain | | | | miles to the north. What were we doing |
| beating against your window. Alabama weather | | | | outside in such a storm, propped up on milk |
| is about as predictable as watching The Jerry | | | | crates like two yokels waiting on a bus to |
| Springer Show. You know something's going to | | | | take them to the big city? You'd have to know |
| happen, you're just not sure what it will be. | | | | my old man to appreciate the answer to that |
| | | | one. You see, he was one of those men who |
| Given the unpredictability of Alabama | | | | would rather stand outside and face a storm |
| weather, I sometimes wonder why television | | | | head-on than get caught hiding from it in a |
| stations bother employing weathermen at all. | | | | bathtub. At the time, I thought it was pretty |
| Oh sure, they razzle-dazzle us with their | | | | cool, sitting out there with him in the rain, |
| color radars and storm trackers and | | | | watching the butts of his cigarettes float |
| incoherent weather-speak, and when the | | | | off the edge of the porch. It was the |
| weather is popping we can count on them to | | | | ultimate father and son bonding ritual: two |
| keep us well-informed, but on an average day | | | | brave souls valiantly facing Mother Nature |
| you could get just as accurate a forecast by | | | | and all that. Looking back now, I can see |
| calling the Psychic Hotline. | | | | that we were not heroes. We were just a |
| | | | couple of idiots who were too stupid to be |
| I've got an eighty-year-old aunt who predicts | | | | scared. |
| the weather with what she calls her "magic | | | | |
| bunion." To be honest, the magic bunion is | | | | Last week, Alabama was faced once again with |
| not as easy to look at as color radar (it's | | | | an onslaught of killer storms much like those |
| actually pretty disgusting), but it's usually | | | | that hit in 1974. During the storm that |
| right on the money when it comes to | | | | passed over my house, it rained harder than |
| predicting rain or drought (it throbs when | | | | I've ever seen it rain before. Powerful gusts |
| it's going to rain and itches when it's not). | | | | of wind blew my plastic porch furniture down |
| Okay, it's not a perfect science, but the | | | | the street and the night sky was alive with |
| magic bunion would never interrupt your | | | | heavy thunder and brilliant flashes of |
| favorite show just to tell you it's raining | | | | lightning. My TV weather buddies told me that |
| in Tokyo, as many TV weathermen would. | | | | a severe thunderstorm was headed my way and |
| | | | they encouraged me to seek shelter. Hmm, |
| Most television stations seem to think that, | | | | maybe they weren't such bad guys to have |
| when it comes to predicting the weather, a | | | | around, after all. |
| magic bunion just isn't enough. They all have | | | | |
| a meteorologist or two on staff, though they | | | | My wife and daughters were snugly bedded down |
| rarely speak of meteors, and enough weather | | | | in the bathtub. Heavy blankets, candles, a |
| gizmos and gadgets to make Mr. Wizard green | | | | battery-powered radio, a box of Ding-Dongs |
| with Doppler envy. Some stations have taken | | | | and a jug of Kool Ade were close by. My wife, |
| things to the next level by reporting the | | | | in her infinite wisdom, wanted to be prepared |
| weather from outside of all places. It makes | | | | for a power outage or a sudden case of the |
| sense, I guess, since that's where the | | | | munchies. |
| majority of weather occurs. And it's sure to | | | | |
| cut down on the number of missed forecasts | | | | And where was I during this potentially |
| since all they have to do is look up. It's | | | | deadly storm? For the most part, I was |
| hard to predict sunshine when rain is falling | | | | sitting on the toilet singing Barney songs |
| on your head. | | | | with my girls. But there was a moment when I |
| | | | stepped out onto the front porch to face the |
| While I make light of TV weathermen and their | | | | oncoming unknown. I stared up into the black |
| toys, I do take the weather very seriously. | | | | sky and waited for a flash of lightning to |
| North Alabama is my home. It's also the place | | | | illuminate the clouds, to reveal what was |
| my grampa often called, "the ass end of | | | | hiding up there. After a minute, I decided |
| tornado alley." In modern weather-speak, that | | | | there was nothing to see. I turned to go |
| means that North Alabama is historically | | | | inside, but not before stealing one last look |
| prone to weather patterns that could (and | | | | at the storm. |
| often do) spawn dangerous storms and | | | | |
| tornadoes. Most North Alabamians have either | | | | I briefly thought of my old man. |
| lived through such a storm themselves or know | | | | |
| someone who has. | | | | I wondered if he was doing the same. |
| | | | |